Do you know Mark Rober?
Sure you do. Mark. Mark Rober.
Okay, maybe the name doesn’t sound familiar, but if you’ve been anywhere near the internet in December over the last three years, it’s hard to miss him. Mark is an ex-NASA engineer who now has a YouTube channel with over 17 million subscribers. His videos answer questions like why the sky is blue or what would happen if all the toilets were flushed at once.
But the thing Mark is probably best known for is his videos of glitter bombs for porch pirates. Because Mark, like lots of us, got frustrated when thieves kept stealing his packages. But unlike a lot of us, Mark’s engineering background made him ideally suited to get revenge in the most delightfully millennial way possible: with glitter and fart bombs.
To date, Mark’s three glitter bomb videos have received over 177 million views. Each year, his traps have become more ingenious: using sound effects, smartphones, the world’s finest glitter and a toxic fart spray that makes porch thieves wish they’d stayed in bed that morning.
People love the glitter bomb videos, and you can even order glitter bombs online to help you track down a package thief. But what we find really interesting about Mark’s videos is that they tell us more about who these thieves are. While the prank packages may not stop your things from being stolen, they can give us some good clues on what to look out for.
#1: The Nice Couple Out for a Walk
These two are from the first-ever glitter bomb video, and they couldn’t look more normal. Seriously, I’m wearing a striped sweater like hers right now. My mom has one, too. And yet, that’s not my mom, because the woman just walks on up to the porch, helps herself to a box and walks away.
My mother would never do that.
Porch theft is a crime of opportunity. Porch pirates see a package, and they take it. But don’t think these two are just a pair of suburban thrill-seekers looking for some kicks. Those backpacks are for more than snacks. These people planned ahead.
#2 The Night-Time Lurker
The greatest risk a porch thief has is that a nosy neighbor will spot them taking something that isn’t theirs. The best way to avoid this? Go cruising for packages at night. We live in the golden age of same-day delivery, and normal business hours don’t apply. Your package will arrive today, but it might show up after you’ve taken the dog for his last walk and called it a night.
Of course, Mr. Night-Time Stroll got what’s coming to him and has had a long hard think about his life choices — but if you’re not armed with glitter, you may not be so lucky.
#3 The Nice Young Man
Look at this guy. He looks like an average guy. You see him at the mall and Starbucks all the time. He watches The Office just like you do. If he showed up at your door, he might be there to steal your stuff, but he just as likely might be there to ask you to sign his petition to save the endangered Great Fluffy Swallow-Tailed Buzzard Moth*.
But, like the backpack couple at the top of this list, he’s come prepared. He’s got a shopping bag that he can tuck your package into so no one asks any uncomfortable questions. The camouflage here would make a Buzzard Moth weep, it’s that effective. Just another nice young man walking down the street. See how he gets his just rewards.
#4 The Family Field Trip
Oh sure. Use the kid as cover. It’s surprising to us how many times kids show up in the glitter bomb videos. You can see them in the background or baby furniture in the corner while the thief opens the box.
Here though, we’ve got the whole family out for a stroll and a little friendly, opportunistic crime. There’s a lot of laughter and some obvious regret as the fart spray wafts through the neighborhood, but like many things, we’re pretty sure they’re only sorry they got caught, rather than regretting the example they’re setting for the little girl with the iPad.
Stop the Porch Thieves You Don’t See Coming
The bottom line is, porch thieves look like everyone. They aren’t wearing masks and striped shirts (well, except for that one lady, but again, her behavior isn’t very ladylike) and hiding in your bushes until you go off to work for the day.
The problem, though, is that since you can’t be on the lookout for porch thieves all the time, unless you have your own personal NASA engineer, you need to find a solution that protects your packages when you can’t.
Package Protector™ is a secure locker that keeps your packages safe until you’re ready to retrieve them. Just provide the combination in the shipping instructions when you’re placing your order, and they’ll be able to drop off your packages and lock them away.
Then you can pick them up when you get home from work, wake up in the morning or whenever you feel like it, without having to second guess whether or not the family with the two kids, backpacks and a Maltipoo named Shamus is just out for a walk or up to no good.
To find out more about Package Protector™ and how we can protect your packages the glitter-free way, contact us now.
* We don’t think this moth actually exists, but if he does, hang in there, little guy. We’re rooting for you!
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