Porch Theft & 4 Other Problems We Didn’t Have 10 Years Ago
It’s been a year, hasn’t it?. In some ways, many of our lives have gotten simpler. We can’t travel like we used to, eat out like we used to, party like we used to. And in some ways, it’s gotten so much more complicated.
But long before 2020 became its own brand of special, there are all sorts of other little treats that were keeping you up at night. We know. We’re awake, too. Not that we’re trying to be creepy. You stare at your bedroom ceiling, we’ll stare at ours. Everyone stays where they are. We’re just saying we get it.
Here are five things that we’re worrying about now that we didn’t have to worry about 10 years ago.
How Close Is Too Close?
Okay, we’ll get the four billion pound elephant out of the way. In 2010, if someone referred to “social distancing” maybe you’d think they were talking about taking a break from Facebook.
Now? Six feet apart at all times. That’s the length of one hockey stick. Or the average height of a refrigerator. Or the length of a white rhino, though if that’s how you’re measuring things, you may have more pressing issues.
Yes, 2020 will always be the year we got a little farther apart. If you’re missing handshakes and hugs, the best we can offer is virtual alternatives, but hopefully not forever.
What Do You Call Your Sweetheart?
Back in the good old days, if you wanted a personal assistant, you had to hire a living breathing person. Probably they worked in an office. Unless you’re a celebrity, they most likely didn’t follow you around so you could spout off things like “Add eggs to grocery lists” at a moment’s notice and have it immediately written down.
But then came the advent of the virtual assistant. Cheery automated voices like Siri, Alexa and Google suddenly started squatting on your bookshelf, ready to help.
But sometimes, they’re just a little too eager to please.
If you like to use pet names for your significant other, your kids or your actual pet, you may have noticed that endearments like “Sweetie” or “Booboo” sound an awful lot like “Siri” and “Google.”
Suddenly, innocent questions like “Hey Booboo, what are you doing?” can trigger a disembodied voice to pipe up unexpectedly to let you know they plan to spend the afternoon researching famous Scottish Canadians.
No seriously, that actually happened. Who knew Scottish Canadians were a thing?
That Booboo. She’s always listening.
Is It Safe to Get Into This Stranger’s Car?
“Don’t get into a stranger’s car” has to be like the third thing they teach you in preschool after “wash your hands” and “glue is not a snack”. So who could have predicted that sometime after 2010, a whole economy would spring up where we call strangers to our house, get in their car and trust we’ll arrive safely at our destination?
These days, ridesharing services like Uber and Lyft are used interchangeably, and sometimes preferentially, over traditional taxis, but the very concept would have been almost unthinkable to 2010-you.
Did You Take a Picture of That Meal?
Remember a time when you went out for dinner — okay, not many of us are going out for dinner these days, but think back — and you didn’t immediately reach for your phone as your meal was served?
We all know that moment of first-world-problem disappointment where a restaurant meal looks so good you actually — you know — eat it, only to realize that you forgot to take a picture first. Now the perfect presentation is ruined. The moment has been spoiled. If you eat a meal without posting it on Instagram first, are the calories even worth it?
Believe it or not, Instagram was launched in 2010, and before that, we just ate our food. Sometimes we might describe it in painstaking detail to a captive audience after the fact, but no one expected to see that photo of the guacamole with the deep-fried crickets you got at your favorite taco place. It was a simpler time.
What If Your Package Gets Stolen Before You Get Home?
E-commerce sounds awesome, doesn’t it? You shop online, you buy online, you never have to talk to anyone or even put pants on. And then, like magic, delivery elves drop off your new laptop or your industrial-sized tub of hand sanitizer at your house. You still haven’t put pants on, but now you have new stuff!
We all know the ecstasy of seeing the delivery notification email in the middle of the workday. The anticipation of arriving home, where that smiley box waits by your front door, and getting to bask in that new stuff glow. And we all know the agony of finally getting home, only to find your front porch a barren wasteland with no sign that your package was ever delivered.
Pirates are the scourge of the oceans, but porch pirates are the scourge of the subdivision. Porch theft is a growing problem across the United States. And while we here at Package Protector can’t do much about social distancing, the digital spy that lives on your bookshelf, whether your Uber driver is a good person or not, or what to do when you’ve already cracked the top of your creme brulee, we can help you defend your porch against even the scourgiest* porch pirates.
This secure locker can be built right into your home’s exterior or mounted near your driveway or in your yard. Delivery drivers can open it to drop off that box of bulk cheesy poofs, but porch pirates will be thwarted every time.
Things are getting complicated in 2020, but if you’re looking to upgrade – sail over to Package Protector to check out your options.
*scourgiest is totally a word. Trust us. No need to look it up. If you can trust us with your packages, you can totally trust us with your vocabulary.
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